Chronic illness changes all the rules

When you feel like this, not all things are possible.

The other day, someone gave me some wonderful inspirational advice. While there's certainly nothing wrong with that, this particular bit of wisdom just didn't fit for someone with chronic illness. It was about getting a regular job and getting out in the world.

Now, I do try to get out more than most people who are sick. However, I have no small amount of limitations. And as for working a regular job, well, as enthused as I may be, it's just not happening right now. I used to be a real go-getter. I still am inside. The problem is that chronic illness changes all the rules.

Turning can't to can.

Oh boy. This is a great rule, isn't it? I've always followed it. Concentrating on what I can do works pretty well for me. Unfortunately, with Lupus, not all my “cant's” are able to turn into cans. Life just isn't that simple with chronic illness. There really are things that I absolutely can't do now, no matter how hard I try. That doesn't stop me from trying, of course. It's just that my success rate is minimal.

If you eat right, exercise, etc.

I do all that all the time. In fact, I'm going vegan, take all the recommended supplements, stay as active as possible and do everything else that's good for me. I take excellent care of myself. I feel much better because of it. However, this is a chronic illness. It's not going away. I will likely have it for the rest of my life.

No matter how well I eat or how many times I go to the gym, I will most likely have a shorter lifespan than the majority of people. The truth is, although it's a good rule, it works best for healthy, young people. I'm lucky to see the improvement I have. Not everyone with chronic illness does. Sometimes it's just too little too late.

Positive thoughts bring positive results.

Once again, this is very true. Unfortunately, it's not as true for those with chronic illness as most of us would like it to be. I can dream sky high dreams and grow my little ball of sunshine all day long. I can share that positivism with everyone around me. I do, most days.

Problem is, chronic illness isn't comparable to a bad attitude. It doesn't go away just because you paste a happy grin on your face. Oh, I try. I will never stop projecting happiness. Still, there is a limit to how far a positive attitude can take you when you have a chronic illness.

I'm far from being a naysayer.

Still, as positive as I try to remain with this illness, I do find myself becoming frustrated by people's good intentions and advice. The problem is not their sincerity or their thinking. The problem is that some normally excellent advice simply doesn't apply to someone with chronic illness.

I understand that people who aren't sick daily may have a hard time seeing loved ones chained to their house or even their chair. It may seem that a sick person is lazy or unmotivated. That's simply not the case. They're usually just too sick to do much more.

Do you know someone with chronic illness?

If so, try to understand that they work through the pain daily. They often suffer from constant exhaustion. Sometimes just holding their head up is hard. If you catch them on a good day, they may be celebrating by overdoing it a bit. That doesn't mean they'll be up to that every day. It doesn't mean they are capable of living a “normal” life or working a “normal” job.

Why? Because there will quite frequently be those other days. So, trust them to know what's best for them, based on how they feel and doctor's recommendations. Life is hard with chronic pain and illness. It just doesn't go by the book.

People with chronic illness don't need your advice, but they may need a helping hand from time to time.

Remember, the best thing you can do is just love and accept them for who they are and respect their struggles without condemnation. Because, like it or not, people with chronic illness have to live by a different set of rules than you do. Your advice, no matter how well intended, just doesn't work for them.

Chronic illness is a whole different ball game. Just be glad you're not in it and respect those who are to deal with it the best they can. It's the right thing to do.

Modeling your behavior after your kids

What are you up to these days? Is it something you'd want your kids doing? Is it healthy? Because, if not, maybe it's not such a good idea for you either. Seriously, folks, aside from example, if there are things you're doing that you wouldn't dream of letting your kids do, where is your head at?

Now, I realize, obviously, parents have sex. Otherwise, you wouldn't be a parent, now would you? You don't want your kids having sex too young. That's not what I'm speaking of. And yes, parents might have an alcoholic drink occasionally.

Still, have you ever asked yourself, “If I know the reasons I don't want my kids partying all night, being irresponsible with their money, throwing temper tantrums or cursing like a sailor, why do I feel it's OK for me?”

I feel so much better when I take my own advice, don't you?

And isn't that a great way to discipline yourself? By thinking about whether your behavior is something you would condone from your children, or in my case, grandchildren? Also, if we insert example back into the equation, how can you live with such a double standard?

You do know that kids emulate their parents, yes? In fact, I believe that I read somewhere that children learn more through example than they do through disciplinary measures, restrictions or those heart to heart talks many parents engage in.

Ya, I don't get it. When I told my kids at a young age they shouldn't drink to excess, smoke, party like it's 1999, etc. I had my own behavior to back it up. They saw that I practiced what I preached.

Now, I'm not saying I'm perfect, you guys. For example, there was a brief time period once my kids grew up where I slipped up a bit, possibly chasing after my lost youth. It was over quite quickly once I realized my error. It happens to the best of us. I get that.

When I was raising them, though, it just didn't feel right or make sense to tell them not to do things because they were bad for them if I was doing those same things myself.

Plus, we should be as kind to ourselves as we are to our kids. If it's not good for them, it's not good for us either, you know?

So there you go. Be nice to yourself. Care as much about how your life turns out as you do how your kids' lives turn out. You don't have to be perfect but why not address your behavior just as you would your childrens' behavior? Why have a double standard for them to question?

And yes, we are all different. I get that for some people, the behaviors I mentioned might be acceptable. Still, whatever your values are, don't just insist that your kids live by them. Live by them yourself. I guarantee your life will be better.

PS - Have a little kid fun, too. Jump some rope. Play some games with the kids. It's just as good for you as it is for them!

Doomsday preppers: Don't forget to invest in your health!

Stockpiling won't do you much good if your health is bad.

Are you prepping for doomsday or the inevitable zombie apocalypse? Got lots of water on hand? Canned your homegrown veggies? Stockpiled your weapons? What else is there? Well, you might want to think about your health. Frankly, I think my chances of long term survival are pretty slim with these illnesses I have. If you're not in tip top shape either, did you ever consider adding improving your health to your prep list? Otherwise, those stockpiles aren't going to do you much good, are they?

How fast can you run?

I hear those asteroids and meteors are pretty darn speedy. One minute you see them; Next minute, you're charcoal. In fact, their average speed is 25km per second. Can you top that? You better strap on those running shoes and practice for doomsday marathons. You never know when one might strike. This is one time it's important to be the leader of the pack.

How's your grip?

You might have to hang off a cliff or a tall building to wait for rescue. You know? Like in the movies? Unless you have arthritis, like me... If that's the case, let’s just say you might as well forget any survival techniques requiring an iron grip. If not, why not try some exercises to increase your gripping power? At the very least you'll be able to open those mason jars full of garden goodies.

How's your dental health?

Not likely to be many dentists left after doomsday. You don't want to end up hacking at your teeth with an ice skate like Tom Hanks in Castaway. Man, that must have hurt. Plus, I hear dental decay causes infections that travel through your bloodstream to the brain. You'll want your full mental capacity when those zombies roll into town. Better get to a dentist before they arrive.

How's your diet?

To keep up your immune system, you'll want to be sure your diet is nutrient dense. That means eating plenty of fruits, vegetables, whole grains and legumes. You'll need them after doomsday too, providing you're not one of the doomed. So remember to can those fruits and veggies for optimum nutrition.

Here's some nutritious non-perishables you might not have thought to stockpile:

*Beans (for protein: no meat available)

*Grains (for your daily bread)

*Rice (carbs for energy to fight off demons and marauders)

*Nuts and seeds (for Omega brain power)
*Canned or dried fruits and veggies

Note: All these goodies are long lasting and nutritious.

Yes, if you're a doomsday prepper, be very health conscious. You won't be much good to yourself or anyone else if your health condition is lacking.

Healthy living is three fold

Sometimes in the quest for good health, we miss the reality that good health isn't just about caring for our physical well being. In fact, sometimes we forget to do even that. And trust me, I have been there. When you're raising 3 kids on your own, followed by helping to parent your grand-kids, you kind of get left in the dust sometimes. Anyway....

Here I am, 56 years young, trying to recover my lost physical, mental and emotional well being. Yes, being healthy is three fold for sure. Right now, my main concern is the Lupus and Rheumatoid that runs in my family. It caught up with me when I was busy looking after the kids/grand-kids and making sure they were healthy.

Still, it has become clear to me that my emotional and mental health have suffered some serious blows over the years too. In some ways, they're harder to heal than the chronic illnesses I've been saddled with. Emotional scars run deep.

I've also always had a hard time communicating with other people, you guys. Writing helps for sure, but at some point you have to deal with (gasp) real people. And heck, I have a hard enough time just ducking the blows on social networking.

I'm getting better at this, though. I've actually even worked up the nerve to come out about being HSP. That's a fancy term for being overly empathetic and sensitive. I'm not bragging, believe me. I would much rather be “normal” sometimes.

It would be great not to feel everything so deeply that it's distracting. Or not. I guess what I'd really like is to be my same caring self but be able to detach a little too. So that's what I'm trying to do. And for me, it feels a little like not caring, but I know the reality is that I need to focus on healing myself and let other people do the same.

Because of course, that's healthier for them too. Also, I am not immortal. Surprise! Who knew? So if my peeps have issues after I'm gone, I'd like to know that they are up to the challenge. Practice makes perfect, yes?

So maybe my readers, who are used to me bubbling, gushing or bellyaching over every little thing have noticed the change. And maybe you haven't. Because, hey, you have your own lives, right? But I'm trying like crazy to focus on self improvement lately.

Because physical health is not the only kind of health that matters. Healthy living is three fold and all my folds need help! LOL

It's all about balance, I think....

What is a healthy balance, exactly?

Now, folks, I abhor it when people hit me with that “everything in moderation” crap. You see, to me, that's just another way of saying you have no intention of giving up your bad habits so you're just going to engage in them a little bit. You know. Not enough to kill you, but just enough to satisfy you. That seems like a cop-out to me. But I do believe in healthy balance for sure. And yes, there is a difference.

Hard work is good for you. Goofing off is good for you too. But neither one is good for you if you do it too much, or leave the other one out entirely. You feel me?

So when I talk about healthy balance, I'm talking about doing good things in moderation, not doing everything you want to in moderation. Because not everything you enjoy is good for you. Got it?

But wait, let's back that up. Because I want to assure you that in no way am I perfect in this department. There are plenty of things that are bad for me that I engage in, in moderation. The point is, though, I know that's not a good plan and I'm working on it. I'm not allowing myself the luxury of complete defeatism just yet.

I guess I'm just not built that way.

But neither am I perfect, as I said. Oh man, I sure wish I could live the way my Dad did sometimes. He pretty much always “stuck to his guns.” He really made sacrifices in order to assure that he was doing the right thing. Always.

But being as how I have not yet achieved the status of his greatness yet, I must humbly admit that some of my balance does include those bad habits. It's just that I know it shouldn't. You know?

I now find myself struggling to strike a good, healthy balance, by leaving behind those bad “everything in moderation” theories and striving to do better. It's a journey, folks. But I will get there.

And what I'm trying to say here is that I believe a healthy balance should not include unhealthy things. Do you agree? I'd really like to know.

Where do I begin to get mentally healthy?

Somebody must a' kicked me around some.

Lately, I'm really on this peace kick. But what's my first step toward peaceful mental health? Where do I begin? Well, they say let peace begin with you so I'm working from the inside out. I don't know if anyone noticed, but I've been trying to be a lot nicer lately. And folks, it ain't easy or natural for this fed up Grandma to be nice.

I used to be super nice before the world started using me as a soccer ball. Oh, I've been kicked around some alright, Tom Petty. And then some more after that. But you know what? I'm not one to lay around and revel in my abandonment, either. I do not plan to live like a refugee like the song says.

What I plan to do is to restore that nice little girl I used to be to her former glory. Or at least as close as possible. Because being nice to people is what I'm best at. It makes me feel good about myself. It makes me happy to see other people happy.

Now, I'm also not taking it too far this time. I'm not planning on helping people to the point where they no longer deem it necessary to help themselves. Because, first of all, that's not healthy for them. And secondly, it leaves me resentful and miserable.

There is a fine line.

Sometimes being nice to people means saying no because it's the best thing for them. Standing on one's own two feet is the greatest feeling ever. So why would I take that away from someone I care about? Well, I did and I have and let me tell you, it's not the smartest move for my health either.

So, here we are, back at the starting line. Step one toward being mentally healthy for me is to be nice to people without being an absolute pushover. Now, step one for you might be different. But for this Grandma, it's the perfect beginning to a happier, healthier mental state.

Naturally healthy grandma with Lupus?

Taking gentle hikes keeps me healthy.

Sometimes I wonder if people who read this blog look twice at the title and think, “What? How on earth can she call herself a naturally healthy grandma? Doesn't she have Lupus, Rheumatoid and Reynauds syndrome?” Why yes. Yes I do. And so, for my new readers, who might not know my reasoning behind the blog title, I decided to write this, as an FYI.

Lupus runs in my family. So does Rheumatoid. Not sure about the Reynauds, but I'm assuming that since it's often a companion of the other two, it's likely that some of my ancestors suffered from it too. So, even though I'm sick, I have healthy habits now. Pl,us, my inherited Lupus came mainly from my ancestors.

But wait. Lupus is a tendency of sorts. And if you lead an unhealthy lifestyle and follow an unhealthy diet, you increase the likelihood that the tendency toward Lupus will flare into a full blown disease. Unfortunately, I used to have very unhealthy habits, which caused Lupus to take the upper hand, so to speak.

Now, though, I truly am healthier, even though I'm sick. I move more. I eat right. And just an aside, I have been a vegetarian, leaning toward vegan, for a long, long time. That has nothing to do with it. The problem was never that. The problem was junk food.

I ate cheese and chips and cookies. Lots of them. I drank gallons of soda pop. So, even though my diet did not include meat products, it did include tons of fat, salt, sugar, white flour and all the other food evils of a modern society. I'm doing much better now. I'm keeping myself better by doing better. And yes, I still eat some of those things. Just not so much of them.

The other issue was and is having the forced sedentary lifestyle of a writer. So many of my writer friends are sick like me. In fact, probably about ¾ of the people I know with chronic illness are writers. Therefore, I am really making an effort to get up and move, even when I don't feel like it or I have work to do.

Some day, the temptations will take a back burner, so to speak and I will transition all the way to Veganism, which I believe is about as naturally healthy as one can get. And some day, with practice and perseverance, I will be able to move a lot more than I do now.

But you know, even as it is now, I get healthier every day. I am on the path to better health now. And that's why I call myself a naturally healthy grandma. I am using naturally healthy ways to keep myself healthier than I normally would be if I didn't change my lifestyle.

How do I know it's working? Well, sadly, as mentioned above, I have a lot of friends with chronic illness. And even more sadly, the reason that I know I'm doing the right thing is that when I compare their struggles to mine, I see that their illnesses are much further along and progressing more rapidly than mine, even when other factors are identical.

And yes, I know, chronic illness is not always predictable. It can come and go for no reason at all. But I still think that by adopting a naturally healthy diet and lifestyle, I am increasing my longevity and slowing the progress of these illnesses considerably.

So, there you go. That's why I call myself a naturally healthy grandma, even though I have 3 chronic illnesses. It's because despite or even because of those illnesses, I am healing myself gradually and naturally, one step at a time.