Forgive your own mistakes

Don't stress over past mistakes! (public domain photo)

Healing old regrets is a big part of my journey toward become naturally healthy. Forgiving myself for my mistakes is often harder than forgiving another for theirs. Why is this true? Is it really that important to forgive ourselves for past mistakes? 

What do we gain from doing so? Why is blaming the responsible party considered wrong, unless you are the responsible party? How can we learn to forgive our mistakes and leave regrets behind? I'm no psychiatrist. Still, I've learned a few things that may help me (and you) with this process.

From childhood, many of us were taught to own up to our mistakes.

In most religions, it's considered exemplary to be humble. People like me, who've been raised this way may be more likely to look down on themselves. When feelings of blame come in, we've been taught to accept the blame and the guilt for our mistakes. We've been told this is a noble approach, and so, turn ourselves into martyrs.

There's nothing noble about self torture.

The inherent part of being human involves human error. Mistakes are a naturally occurring process. What distinguishes a person is not their mistakes, but their reaction to them. Forgive yourself and move on. It's OK to forgive yourself for human error, learn your lesson and move on. It's not productive to hold on to guilt and blame from past mistakes. I'm talking to myself here too.

Let's take a look at our lives in the past.

Are there mistakes made that we've not been allowing ourselves to forgive? Have we learned from those mistakes? Why are we not able to forgive them? I've personally made many mistakes. Yes they were my mistakes and I take full responsibility for them. Should I feel guilty for the rest of my life? Absolutely not! I have to find the strength to forgive myself, change the behavior that got me into trouble and move on.

Stress and guilt cause both physical and mental illnesses.

People who don't forgive their own transgressions, often feel inferior to others. Their self loathing is reflected in the way others see them. This allows them to be taken advantage of by the predators of society. We are born human, not gods. As such, we'll make mistakes and lots of them. We can practice self ridicule and scold ourselves for the rest of our lives. Only bad will come of it.

The healthy way to deal with mistakes is simple.

*Learn from your mistakes.
*Change your behavior to reflect what you have learned.
*Forgive yourself for your own human error.

The mistakes will keep coming. You're not perfect. You never will be. Surprise! You're human after all. If you learn to deal with your mistakes this way, you 'll be a much happier person.

Some people can't change their behavior on their own.

We all need help sometimes. That's OK. When help is required, the formula changes a little.

*Learn
*Seek help
*Change
*Forgive

We must stop torturing ourselves over past mistakes. If the mistakes are not your fault don't own them. Pass them on to the responsible party. Try to forgive them. If possible, help them to change and forgive themselves as well. We're here to help each other, not to place blame. It really doesn't matter who is at fault. The only thing that matters is the healing and the ability to forgive yourself.

This post was previously published by this author on a closed Yahoo! property