Hiding behind Mama's skirts and the mop pail incident

I once saw a Facebook meme that said, “Whew, that was close. I almost had to socialize”. It was so much like me I just had to share it.

I started my life hiding behind my Mama's skirts. That's not a figurative statement. I really did hide behind her skirts. I would listen and observe but seldom say a word. I was a smart little poop but I really hated conversation.

I was always worried that I would say the wrong thing or be misunderstood. Man, do I hate being misunderstood! Unfortunately, I'm only eloquent on paper so I've experienced many a misunderstood moment.

 The first one I remember happened when I was about three years old. I was literally hiding behind my Mama's skirts in a circle of friends and relatives. There was a full mop pail directly behind me.

Here's how it all went down:

I stepped back.

The mop pail hit the back of my knees.

My knees buckled.

I consequently fell right into the pail.

Now, I couldn't possibly care any less about the embarrassment of sitting in a mop pail. What did I care about? Well, you see, the impression everyone had was that I sat in the mop pail, mistaking it for a chair.

So, all my life, that's how the story was told. It really ticked me off that everyone not only misunderstood me, but continually repeated this inaccurate story, no matter how many times I corrected them. It made me look stupid. And if there's anything I hate more than being misunderstood, it's being made to look stupid.

So, people, I am not now, nor have I ever been so stupid as to think a mop pail is a chair. Not even when I was three years old. It was a stupid accident, yes, but it could have happened to anyone who was short enough to have a mop pail hit the back of their knees. Intelligence had nothing to do with it.

The incident was totally misinterpreted. Let's just get that straight once and for all.

Man, I'm glad that's cleared up.